Living with a person is beautiful
and it is hard. It is testing and it is fun. You get to see your favorite
person everyday and learn everything about them. But they can be trying too;
you actually have to poop in the same house. Here are some tips of the trade I
have learned living with my boyfriend for 4 years:
1. First, be yourself all the
time. You and him will learn so much about each other that it will be scary and
beautiful. You will learn about what he does first thing in the morning and
right before bed. You will learn what he acts like when he is grumpy and how he
acts when he doesn't feel like doing laundry. You will see a side of him that
he has kept secret from the public. It will be honest. He will be himself, and
love him for it. But be yourself too, and he will love you for it. After
all, you share space so no more faking it.
2. Be patient. There are days when
I want to scream because he leaves socks on the floor, right next to the
laundry basket, after I have cleaned the bedroom (literally, right next to the
basket). I can't stand it. But he doesn't understand those little quirks about
me, and I don't expect him to. But I do expect him to love me anyways, just
like I love him, even when he leaves his socks on the floor. Even when I trip
over his big shoes in the middle of the night, on my way to pee, when he leaves
them out instead of putting them in the closet where they belong. There will be
things you hate and there will be things he hates. But at the end of the night,
no one is perfect and you love him. You are allowed to get mad about things
like that; you're not allowed to hold them against him. And visa versa.
3. Spend time apart. He and I hang
out with each other all the time and we need a night apart to keep things from
getting stale. Whether that means he hangs out in the living room watching
football while I am in the bedroom painting my toes or if it means I go out to
the mall alone, or go have a girl’s night. I need those times away from him. As
I am sure he needs them away from me. So, take time away from him (but not at
the bar with dudes. That’s just a recipe for disaster). And be okay with
it.
4. Communicate about everything.
Honestly. He had no idea that I was neurotic until like, year 3, when I finally
sat him down and said, "Okay look, I can't handle crumbs. I can't handle
socks. I can't handle untidy spaces. I am neurotic and I need to control my
environment." And he said, "Oh? Okay." And then he tried harder,
and then he threw his socks on the floor. It’s a process. Revert to tip
#2.
5.
Invite your family and friends over. There is nothing better than
sharing your joined space with people you love. You will get to see each
other’s hosting dynamics and how well you do as domestic partners in party
situations that are taking place at your residence.
5. Let yourself be happy that you
are living with him! I know you, the
miss-independent-I-don’t-need-a-man-she-man-man-hater type that can’t possibly
be the girl that lives her boyfriend. But let yourself love to live with him. Even when it is annoying, I know you will
love it. It’s wonderful to come home every night and be happy to see him. It does not mean you are not independent.
It just means that you have found something that makes you happy, a way of
life, and you deserve that.
6. On the contrary, DO NOT GIVE
MORE THAN HIM. Know when it is time to go. Pay attention to your moods and your
arguments. No relationship is fun when the bad times happen more than the good,
and sometimes living together can bring that out in a couple. Living together
is basically the next step before marriage so if you find that you two just
aren’t meant to be together, and that is okay. You can hire people to move your
stuff for you. Better now than after the wedding and at least you both know you
gave it an honest all-out effort.
7. Call your friends all the time.
Do not rant and rave at your live-in partner about him. Do that with your gal pals. They will laugh with you at
the awkward moments when he walks in on you taking a poop, and they will be the
first ones to tell you when you are changing for the bad and you can’t see it.
He will not be able to see this part of you so don’t expect him to.
8. The most important advice I can give is have fun! Living with your boyfriend can be like living with your
best friend only you get to have sex with them!
