The Best Gift to Give... When You're Broke

Preceding my post about surviving wedding season, I wanted to include an extension. When it comes to buying gifts for people that I care about, I have the most stressful experience. I never know what to buy and the thought of buying something with the mistake of thinking they will like it, sends me into an anxiety attack. So, what I have been doing for a few years now and something I want to share with my twenty something followers is - homemade gifts!!

Please do not mistake these gifts for cheap gifts. A lot of my homemade gifts cost more to make than actually buying the same thing at a store when you consider labor time. For example, I make homemade lotions and scrubs for my lady friends for Christmas. I include essential oils, some basic moisturizing ingredients and of course, love; pause for chirping crickets. Then I spend a few hours making the magic potion, placing it into containers and tying bows. What makes it worth it? Knowing that the recipient will know I put some thought, time and effort into them.

So, when it came time for me to think of a gift for one of my best friends who is getting married, I stuck with the idea that homemade gifts are the best way to go. This time, I made vintage photos on wood. The idea is spinning around Pinterest right now so I thought to jump on the bandwagon. Here are the results...

Of course I trimmed the sides of the picture and gave it a gloss layer to rid the paper residue. But for the most part, this is how it turned out.

Watching my friend admire my work and almost shed a tear at the beauty of her family in this portrait really made me feel good about what I had done.

Our world is pressured to consume; to purchase the next best thing and to be the one at the party who brought the best and most expensive gift. I think we as twenty-somethings should change this perception not only because we are poor and cannot afford a set of wine glasses at Crate and Barrel, but because we need to bring back the true meaning of gift giving.

I cannot replace the look on my friend's face as she admired her gifts just like she cannot replace the gift itself; it is truly one of a kind. There is something to be said about that individuality, that uniqueness and difference that always trumps the ordinary. I wonder if this is because these virtues seem to be few and far between anymore.

Our world is so repetitive that we have lost the essence of how wonderful and powerful it is for a child to draw a picture and give it away.

  

Living with a Boyfriend - The Survivors Guide

Living with a person is beautiful and it is hard. It is testing and it is fun. You get to see your favorite person everyday and learn everything about them. But they can be trying too; you actually have to poop in the same house. Here are some tips of the trade I have learned living with my boyfriend for 4 years:

1. First, be yourself all the time. You and him will learn so much about each other that it will be scary and beautiful. You will learn about what he does first thing in the morning and right before bed. You will learn what he acts like when he is grumpy and how he acts when he doesn't feel like doing laundry. You will see a side of him that he has kept secret from the public. It will be honest. He will be himself, and love him for it. But be yourself too, and he will love you for it. After all, you share space so no more faking it.

2. Be patient. There are days when I want to scream because he leaves socks on the floor, right next to the laundry basket, after I have cleaned the bedroom (literally, right next to the basket). I can't stand it. But he doesn't understand those little quirks about me, and I don't expect him to. But I do expect him to love me anyways, just like I love him, even when he leaves his socks on the floor. Even when I trip over his big shoes in the middle of the night, on my way to pee, when he leaves them out instead of putting them in the closet where they belong. There will be things you hate and there will be things he hates. But at the end of the night, no one is perfect and you love him. You are allowed to get mad about things like that; you're not allowed to hold them against him. And visa versa. 

3. Spend time apart. He and I hang out with each other all the time and we need a night apart to keep things from getting stale. Whether that means he hangs out in the living room watching football while I am in the bedroom painting my toes or if it means I go out to the mall alone, or go have a girl’s night. I need those times away from him. As I am sure he needs them away from me. So, take time away from him (but not at the bar with dudes. That’s just a recipe for disaster). And be okay with it. 

4. Communicate about everything. Honestly. He had no idea that I was neurotic until like, year 3, when I finally sat him down and said, "Okay look, I can't handle crumbs. I can't handle socks. I can't handle untidy spaces. I am neurotic and I need to control my environment." And he said, "Oh? Okay." And then he tried harder, and then he threw his socks on the floor. It’s a process. Revert to tip #2. 

5.  Invite your family and friends over. There is nothing better than sharing your joined space with people you love. You will get to see each other’s hosting dynamics and how well you do as domestic partners in party situations that are taking place at your residence.

5. Let yourself be happy that you are living with him! I know you, the miss-independent-I-don’t-need-a-man-she-man-man-hater type that can’t possibly be the girl that lives her boyfriend. But let yourself love to live with him. Even when it is annoying, I know you will love it. It’s wonderful to come home every night and be happy to see him. It does not mean you are not independent. It just means that you have found something that makes you happy, a way of life, and you deserve that. 

6. On the contrary, DO NOT GIVE MORE THAN HIM. Know when it is time to go. Pay attention to your moods and your arguments. No relationship is fun when the bad times happen more than the good, and sometimes living together can bring that out in a couple. Living together is basically the next step before marriage so if you find that you two just aren’t meant to be together, and that is okay. You can hire people to move your stuff for you. Better now than after the wedding and at least you both know you gave it an honest all-out effort.  

7. Call your friends all the time. Do not rant and rave at your live-in partner about him. Do that with your gal pals. They will laugh with you at the awkward moments when he walks in on you taking a poop, and they will be the first ones to tell you when you are changing for the bad and you can’t see it. He will not be able to see this part of you so don’t expect him to. 

8. The most important advice I can give is have fun! Living with your boyfriend can be like living with your best friend only you get to have sex with them!

If you want big rewards, you gotta take big risks

Starting my senior year of college has brought a new challenge; starting our college newspaper publication. Now, the challenge is not starting the paper itself; I have a strong group of peers and advisers that are going in on this with me. The challenge is telling myself that I can do this; convincing myself that I am capable of making this a success.

Why is that so hard? As we get older, the room for failure seems to get bigger and more consequential. If you didn't make the the basketball team in high school, that was just it, you didn't make the basketball team. In college, if you don't do well on a paper you get a bad mark and a bad mark lowers your GPA and your lowered GPA hinders your job opportunities. Same can be said of life outside of college. If I fail at making this newspaper, or online publication I should call it, a success, that will follow me in numerous ways. Professors and advisers will know and lose their trust in my abilities which then limits networking opportunities which then could hinder potential jobs. My fellow students will know and no longer consider me as a strong peer. The pressure is heavier and I find myself having a hard time breathing in the thickness of possibility. The consequences for our actions climb to higher stakes as we get older and things are more serious.

But doesn't this also mean that there is bigger room for success too? If the stakes for failure get higher, then the stakes for success should too. If I make this publication a success, then that will follow me on just as serious of terms as the failure would, but with a different shadow. I would get great exposure, gain trust from colleagues and professors, show the professional world my talents and get great experience.

As we get older, life gets more and more scary and bravery gets harder to find as the consequences for actions get more powerful. The things you want most are not handed to you anymore and to quote Jessica Biel in the movie Summer Catch (starring Freddy Prince Junior. Yum.), "if you want big rewards, you gotta take big risks." Fear can be a crippling thing and the "what if" can be traumatizing.

If there is just as much room for success as there is for failure, why does failure seem to be in the spotlight?

Bridesmaid survival; the new extreme sport

As a twenty-something, you may find yourself emerged into new territory; wedding season. As summer comes to an end, I find myself reflecting back on everything my summer had to offer and realized that I had been involved in 3 whole weddings! My aunt was married and held a small, intimate gathering in her front yard (it was really sweet); my cousin was married at our small town church and held a redneck themed reception at her father’s country home; and come September, one of my best friends from high school will be getting married to her high school sweetheart. My level of involvement in each wedding varied greatly. The first was a level 1; my only involvement was to show up. The second wedding was a level 4; I did the hair and make-up for the wedding party of 3, including the bride. My final wedding of the year wins on the involvement scale at around an 8; I am actually part of the bridal party and all that may encompass. It is the third wedding that has inspired me to write this article; how to survive a wedding as a bridesmaid.

1.Travel on a budget. The entire wedding party is from Kansas City. I sort of count only because I moved after high school graduation to the small town my family moved to after my father retired out of the military. So, almost all of the wedding festivities (the engagement party, the bridal shower, the rehearsal dinner, the wedding, the shopping, the venue tour followed by cocktails, etc..) are happening in Kansas City; 6 hours away from me. For a new college grad with a new job and hefty schedule, this posed a problem. So, I compromised not only the finances but also the trips. Now, I am not saying that one part of a wedding is more important than the others, I am just saying that if your budget and schedule only allows for a couple trips, choose wisely. I am sure the bride will understand your absence from the venue hunt, but it is probably important to make sure you attend the Bachelorette party and the rehearsal dinner. If you live in the same city, you should be trying everything to make every event. 2.Be your most positive self. Mostly likely you will be running into some old friends, old enemies, old boyfriends, old hook-ups, potential new hook-ups, potential new boyfriends, and everyone will be wondering what you have been up to. So, be your most fabulous self! Feel free to share your recent projects, your new relationship, your new house, your new job or what have you. Most guests will be waiting for the chance to talk with the wedding party. Be ready to have things to share! 3.Watch your alcohol. Nothing is worse than a too-tipsy bridesmaid. You’re there for the bride, not for the drinks and as bad as this may sound, the bride chose you to stand up there with her, don’t make her regret that choice! 4.Be prepared for an emotional bride. Weddings are stressful, exciting and scary. That is a lot of emotions for one person to feel, so be ready to lend a hanky or a shot of tequila to your very sensitive bride. 5.Be fake. No seriously, be fake. There may be some bridesmaids you do not get along with but remember, this is not about you. It is about your friend the bride and she chose the people she cares about most to be there for her even if they may not all get along with each other. Be friendly to the ENTIRE party, despite any bad water that may be flowing under some bridges. Do not choose the wedding as the day to confront that snobby fellow bridesmaid about how snarky she is in her emails or how bad you want to punch her for posting that pic of you from the Bachelorette party that was anything but flattering or maybe how she hooked up with your high school boyfriend after you went off to college. Either way, just fake it until the honeymoon. 6.My final piece of advice is for the single ladies or ladies in relationships that seem to be stuck at the cross between engaged or legally Commonlaw: do not let all the excitement around your friend’s happy ending cause you to ignore the happy things happening for you. This is something I am trying really hard to do. I want nothing more than to marry the man I am with right now, but it just doesn’t seem to be the right time, and that’s okay. But I have to admit, hiding the bitterness is harder than I thought. I have to keep reminding myself that my time will come and know that these moments are moments that I will not forget and neither will my friend. I do not want her or myself to remember them as being sad or miserable but instead as magical and fun; just the way they are! Weddings are wonderful. They are even more wonderful when people you love and care about are the ones getting married. Being a bridesmaid isn't just about responsibility. It parallels the mark you put onto other people's lives, and there is no need for a survival kit for having too many meaningful relationships.

Teaching discipline, or atleast trying to

I've learning as I get older that having discipline is very important. I don't mean grounding yourself for staying out until 1 in the morning. I mean challenging yourself to do things that maybe you do not WANT to do but NEED to do. For me, the greatest challenge with my discipline is fitness. I have always been an athlete, playing sports in high school and getting involved with gyms in my area. But now that I have moved to a VERY small town with the Doc and we are in the midst of settling down (yikes!), I have become aware that my discipline has met its match... there is not a gym within a close proximity to my house. This means, I am in charge of my own fitness. Which also means my discipline is going to be challenged. So, I have resorted to teaching myself to love running. Although I was a soccer player for 13 years, I never liked long distance running if it didn't involve scoring goals or kicking a soccer ball. I get really excited at the beginning of my run, feeling confident and strong, only to look at my stopwatch and find that only 2 minutes has passed and I still have 28 more to go! So, I created something to make my runs a little easier on the stopwatch and easier on the discipline. I'll share it with you...

Basically, you pick five great pump-up songs and five awesome slow songs. Beginning with a your pump-up song, you job. Then as the songs change, change your pace; fast songs = jog and slow songs = walk. This is interval running and I hear its the best way to burn fat. The changing of your pace keeps your body guessing and your heart going nuts. I love it. And I love the music, so it goes by fast. And I NEVER look at my stopwatch cause I know where I am in my workout according to which song is playing. Try it! This maneuver has helped me become more disciplined and has taught me something. As we get older, we have to learn to teach ourselves that giving up on things is not an option. Adapting though, is. So instead of giving up on my fitness and using the excuse that there is no gym and I hate running, I adapted. Whether it is your fitness routine or the job you are beginning to hate, adapting is important and, I think, it shows maturity and growth. Right?

A Room of One's Own

Weekends as a young adult, as I have mentioned before, begin to change. Instead of being filled with rave parties or dance clubs, they begin filling up with barbecues, house cleaning and thrift shopping. I'm not saying this has to happen, just that it seems it is happening. 

So, this weekend I visited some thrift stores and came upon a treasure; two Virginia Woolf novels. I have read them before but decided to buy them anyways and reread. A "Room of One's Own" is my favorite essay of Woolf's and it got me thinking about how important it is for young adults, especially young female adults, to "have a fixed income and a room of one's own in order to create." 

 What I take from this phrase is that women must have independence, a stability outside another person. And I love the idea, but I have found myself at a certain kind of crossroads. Me and The Doc have begun the ruthless shopping of houses and it has proven to not be as fun as my 17 year-old self had thought. Neither one of us have owned property before and are planning on going into this house together. That is, both incomes taken into consideration, both names on the mortgage and both splitting ownership. Makes sense, right? I mean we are planning on both living in the house. Both of our incomes together beat out our individual incomes. 

So why do I have these weird feelings of wanting to buy my own house by myself? If Virginia Woolf were still alive she would understand, but I am afraid I am left to figure this out on my own. Is it because I feel the need to prove something; that I am strong and independent and can do this on my own? Maybe that is it. But why is it that I have to buy my own house to prove this? Is it because I am a woman? I have absolutely no intention of living by myself. Doc and I have lived together since forever and really enjoy it. We like the idea of building something together and being partners. Equal partners. But I sometimes have this drifting thought of myself coming home to my own space with no one around and no one to judge me in my Scrunci. But I can't imagine coming home to no one everyday. Coming home to The Doc is wonderful. 

So why is it that I assume that having a partner in everything means you are not independent? 

Is it possible to have a partner and a room of one's own?

Making Macaroni

Making Macaroni means coming to terms with the fact that I can't cook and really don't need to learn. 

Growing up I was always busy with sports practices, after-school activities, newspaper deadlines and school trips that I never took the time to learn to cook. It was just never an interest of mine.

I was reminded of this lack of talent while The Doc and I attempted to cook dinner for his parents while they were gone at church. "Go cook the inside stuff," he said while standing in front of the grill. "Inside stuff?" I replied."Macaroni and cheese will be fine," he said, with a tone of disappointment as he knew I probably couldn't make anything else. But I think he was assuming that Mac n Cheese would be something I could handle. 

I approached the stove with confidence. I can do this. 

Twenty minutes later I stirred butter less, milk less and bright orange, half-cooked pasta noodles. I did it. Well, to my surprise, nobody likes uncooked pasta noodles and clumpy cheese. The side dish went untouched and The Doc lovingly giggled along with his parents as they attempted to convince me that it is okay to not being good at cooking. 

I can't cook. I've known this for awhile. I don't even have an interest in cooking and I am totally fine with it. So, why do I feel like a robot lacking a battery? 

 Every woman in my family can cook and practice their skills every night as they cook dinner for their boyfriends or husbands. The expectation my family puts on being able to cook is a high one and it gets me thinking about expectations. Is the reason I feel like I am lacking something by not being able to cook because of the expectation that I should? 

Its silly for me to think that I should have this expectation because between me and The Doc, the idea of me cooking dinner went out the window about 4 years ago. But still I wonder, would he be happier if I cooked him dinner? In relationships there are always expectations and as a young adult, it can be hard to determine which expectations are too high and which ones are plausible. For The Doc, he does not expect me to cook because he knows I do not like it. But what if he did?

When it comes to expectations, how do you know when you've been over-cooking or under-cooking?